Tuesday, November 11, 2008
humour..
A woman takes a lover home during the day while her husband is at work.Her 9 year old son comes home unexpectedly, sees them and hides in thebedroom closet to watch. The woman's husband also comes home. She putsher Lover in the closet, not realizing that the little boy is in therealready. The little boy says, "Dark in here." The man says, "Yes, itis." Boy - "I have a baseball." Man - "That's nice." Boy - "Want to buyit?" Man - "No, thanks." Boy - "My dad's outside." Man - "OK, how much?"Boy - "$250"
In the next few weeks, it happens again that the boy and the lover are inthe closet together. Boy - "Dark in here." Man - "Yes, it is." Boy - "Ihave a baseball glove." The lover, remembering the last time, asks the boy,"How much?" Boy - "$750" Man - "Sold."
A few days later, the father says to the boy, "Grab your glove, let's gooutside and have a game of catch. The boy says, "I can't, I sold mybaseball and my glove." The father asks, "How much did you sell them for?"Boy -"$1,000" The father says, "That's terrible to overcharge your friendslike that. That is way more than those two things cost. I'm going to takeyou to church and make you confess." They go to the church and the fathermakes the little boy sit in the confession booth and he closes the door.The boy says, "Dark in here." The priest says, "Don't start that shitagain, you're in my closet now."
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It was the first day of school and a new student named Martinez, the son of a Mexican restaurateur, entered the fourth grade.
The teacher said, "Let's begin by reviewing some American history. Who said "Give me Liberty, or give me Death?" She saw a sea of blankfaces, except for Martinez, who had his hand up. "Patrick Henry, 1775."
"Very good! Who said 'Government of the people, by the people, for the people, shall not perish from the earth'"?
Again, no response except from Martinez: "Abraham Lincoln, 1863.", saidMartinez.
The teacher snapped at the class, "Class, you should be ashamed. Martinez, who is new to our country, knows more about its history than you do."
She heard a loud whisper: "Screw the Mexicans."
"Who said that?" she demanded.
Martinez put his hand up. "Jim Bowie, 1836."At that point, a student in the back said, "I'm gonna puke."The teacher glares and asks "All right! Now, who said that?"Again, Martinez says, "George Bush to the Japanese Prime Minister, 1991."
Now furious, another student yells, "Oh yeah? Suck this!"Martinez jumps out of his chair waving his hand and shouts to the teacher, "Bill Clinton, to Monica Lewinsky, 1997!"
Now with almost a mob hysteria someone said, "You little shit. If you say anything else, I'll kill you."
Martinez frantically yells at the top of his voice, "Gary Condit to Chandra Levy 2001."
The teacher fainted. And as the class gathered around the teacher on the floor, someone said, "Oh shit, we're in BIG trouble!"
Martinez said, "Saddam Hussein 2003."
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A boss of a big company needed to call one of his employees about a urgent problem with one of the main computers. He dialled the employee's home phone number and was greeted with a child's whispered, "Hello?"
Feeling put out at the inconvenience of having to talk to the youngster, the boss asked, "Is your Daddy home?"
"Yes," whispered the small voice.
"May I talk to him?" the man asked.
To the surprise of the boss, the small voice whispered, "No."
Wanting to talk with an adult, the boss asked, "Is your Mommy there?"
"Yes," came the answer."May I talk to her?"Again the small voice whispered, "No."
Knowing that it was not likely that a young child would be left home alone, the boss decided he would just leave a message with the person who should be there watching over the child.
"Is there anyone there besides you?" the boss asked the child.
"Yes," whispered the child, "a policeman."
Wondering what a cop would be doing at his employee's home, the boss asked, "May I speak with the policeman?"
"No, he's busy," whispered the child.
"Busy doing what?" asked the boss.
"Talking to Daddy and Mommy and the Fireman," came the whispered answer.
Growing concerned and even worried as he heard what sounded like a helicopter through the ear piece on the phone, the boss asked, "What is that noise?"
"A hello-copper," answered the whispering voice.
"What is going on there?" asked the boss, now alarmed.
In an awed whispering voice, the child answered, "The search team just landed the hello-copper."
Alarmed, concerned, and more than just a little frustrated, the boss asked, "What are they searching for?"
Still whispering, the young voice replied along with a muffled giggle, "Me."
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clement.
